February 18th, 2012: Day Two

Today was a hard day. Not only because it’s Mike’s birthday but because I started packing today, and it feels a little like giving up.

I keep telling everyone that I’m just putting school on hold for the semester, but I’m not sure I really believe that. Before all of this happened, I was considering Motion Picture Photography as a focus. But now, I’m not even sure if I want to do that anymore. I’m not even sure if Photography is something I want to turn into a job.

I’m proud of myself for managing to be productive today though. I got most of my two bookshelves packed, my shoes packed, and sorted through my clothes and got rid of some and packed the rest. I still have a lot to do but I’ve made progress.

I had a talk with Joshua today that ended in some tears, but for a good reason. This whole situation has been pretty stressful for the both of us (for different reasons) and I’m finally starting to feel like this decision really is a good one. The only thing I regret is that we’ll be in the living room of my mother’s three bedroom apartment, with no privacy. And that isn’t ideal, especially when what I felt I needed (and still do) is my own place. 
However, I’m trying to view it in a positive way; as motivation. The unappealing situation is motivation for me to find a job asap and not slack off. So tonight I submitted three applications via e-mail or online application, and I have another to complete in the morning when I’m more awake. Hopefully something pans out, and I can manage to get a job quickly once I’m there.

Other than all that though, today was a moderate day in the way of emotions. It wasn’t too hard but it wasn’t too great either. But I’m going to say it’s progress. I had a healthy appetite today after I forced myself to eat this morning. I still only ate twice today but since I kind of over-ate both times I’m going to still say it’s better than yesterday. 

I think that’s all for today, nothing too heavy. Tomorrow is my and Joshua’s 5-month anniversary, and we’re both disappointed that our plans got squashed by all this but at least we can be sure that our 6-month anniversary we’ll be together.

Anyway, I’m off to watch one more episode of Supernatural and then to (hopefully) fall asleep. Goodnight Tumblr.